How To Tell If You're Someone's Rebound
When we break up with someone, we're often told by our friends that we need a rebound, which is technically when you "recover from setback or frustration" (via Merriam-Webster). So, yes, after someone we love has put us through the wringer, a rebound is exactly what we all need. But the thing with rebounds is that, although they're great for distracting us from emotional pain, no one actually wants to be on the other side. Have you ever told someone they're your rebound? Probably not, because it doesn't sound like a good thing. However, rebounds do serve a purpose and that's why broken hearts spend time with them.
"If you are getting into a rebound relationship from a place of needing to heal and get over your ex, it's unlikely to work out," Louella Andreson, co-founder of dating app So Syncd, tells Metro UK. And that's the thing: Someone looking for a rebound doesn't really want it to work. They're just in it for the distraction. So while we can all agree that rebound relationships are important for many people, the fact still remains that no one, like ever, wants to be someone else's rebound — especially if you're looking for the real deal.
Of course, it's not always easy to tell if you're being wooed for rebound purposes. It's even possible that you're someone's rebound right now. Let's hope not, but if you are, this is what it looks like.
Rebound relationships feel superficial
If you're someone's rebound, it doesn't matter how much you might be into them, you can't help but notice that it's superficial and a bit more surface-y than other relationships you've had. Like, you can't really tell if they're into you, and when you're together it's mostly physical without much else (via Bustle). In fact, when you try to dig deep and get to know them and help them to get to know you, it's just not happening. Their interest in you, aside from the physical and superficial, just isn't there. It also might be so shallow that you wonder sometimes if they even know your last name or remember who they're with. Meanwhile, one name they definitely do know is their ex's — as proven by the fact that they can't stop letting it roll off their tongue.
"Sometimes, there can be obvious signs that you're someone's rebound if they talk about their ex frequently, or if they say they're not ready for a serious relationship because they just got out of one," licensed mental health counselor Michelle Henderson tells Elite Daily. "They may think they're ready to get back into dating without acknowledging that they haven't fully healed from their last relationship. This can make it tricky to know if you're someone's rebound because they may not realize that they're rebounding in the first place."
So while you would hope that someone who's rebounding would be a little self-aware, it's as they say — "Denial ain't just a river in Egypt."
Rebounding partners can't see beyond the now
If you're in a rebound relationship, you can also forget about commitment in every way possible, because it's probably never going to happen. Most rebounders are in the present with you and have zero interest in looking into the future — near or far. "Whether the plans are a couple weeks away or a couple months away, a partner who is reluctant to discussing [sic] the future is something to take note of," relationship coach Tiffany Toombs tells Insider. "It's truly a sign that they aren't convinced the relationship will go the distance."
In fact, it's common for a rebounder to act distant or like they know it's not going to last (via MindBodyGreen). In their mind, you're either something to tide them over for the real deal or, even worse, until their ex decides to get back together. And whether the rebounder is doing this consciously or not, both scenarios will make you feel awful. Ultimately, no one wants to be strung along. So if it seems like you may be stuck as a rebound for someone who can't or won't value you fully, reconsider whether they're worth your time.